Naisip ko ng pag-usapan 'to pero everytime na darating na yung moment na magkaharap tayo, tungki sa tungki ng ilong, nawawala lahat ng gusto kong sabihin. My attempts ended me up, "Baby. Baby. Baby... Baby, I love you. I love you, Baby."
When I decided to say yes to you, I meant forever. You offered me the you get metamorphosed. Ciempre, ang sarap sa feeling, kaka-flatter, na wow, isipin ko yun, ako ang makakapagpabago sa'yo. It's more than yung naniwala ako sa 'yo na "isusuko" mo ang lahat ng bisyo mo kada lapit mo sa'kin, kakulitan mo for almost 4 or 5 months. It's mainly because MAHAL NA MAHAL kita. Sh*y*t, mahal na mahal kitaaa to the moon and back! Nabanggit kita sa Mama ko kasi I believe mother knows best. Expected ang sasabihin nun sa'kin at mas matindi ang sasabihin ni Daddy. I had to let them know para whatever happens, di sila masha-shock. Kasi baliktarin man natin, they are still my parents. She had this message, "It's gonna be a miracle if that change he's saying will happen with you. Magbakasyon ka kaya muna dito kung kinukulit ka. But whatever you'll say to him, you have to keep it. But this to remind you, wag magpaka-martyr nang masyado. You have grown up with a difficult-to-deal-with father and another hard-to-bear relationship you'll gonna endure for a lifetime?"
But I believe na you love me so I finally said yes nga. Your past, mahirap tanggapin na iniisip ko na panu kung sa'kin ay gawin mo na rin because you've already done it to them (your several ex-es), nakakaiyak. Kasi kung ako masasaktan, twice ang mafi-feel ng parents ko. Pero sabi ko, what if ako na lang pala ang only hope, only way out, only chance out of your misery tas ipagkakait ko? Nilagay ko na lang that moment na tinatanggap na ng sistema ko na ikaw na nga ang boypren ko yung statement na, "The one who saves one soul it's as if he saved the entire world." Tas unti-unting binubuhusan ako sa wokplace. Ang mga kai-kaibigan ko nakita ko na. Maraming nainis, na-disappoint but WC (who cares)? Kahit ganun ang front ko na IDC (I don't care), umiiyak pa rin ako deep inside at umaapaw na rin minsan ang luha pag di ko nakakaya. Naawa ako sa mga nasaktan sa naging decision ko. But I keep holding on... Tas pinondohan mo ako ng white lies. Kung pakiramdam mo sinusumbatan kita pag nago-open up ko sa'yo, no, paraan ko yun na ipaalam na nasasaktan ako. Kasi di ba, we have to have an open communication to make the rel'p working? Sinubukan ko ang texting na communication kasi pag personal nga, di ko masabi-sabi. Just by looking into your eyes, I'm already melting. Then you'll touch me, everything's OK na.
Then this MsM issue ulit. Alam mong I wouldn't feel good if you'd see her pero sinabi mo group date. MsM is saying otherwise na you're still together pa pala. I had the loudest cries in my entire life when MsM said that. Pakiramdam ko bawing-bawi kahit i-sum-total ang lahat ng cloud nines I've had when I was with you. I wanna die that very moment. Tas sabi ko, panu to, inaatake na naman ako ng pagiging selfish ko if iku-confront kita sa araw mismo ng bday mo about that Mother's Day you spent w/ her.Minessage ko si MsM 'gang sa makwento nya na nagkaroon s'ya ng suicide attempt when she discovered about us. It's so gross I don't want to happen continuing with this rel'p at nasabi ko na, "Sige, kayo na." But I know I can't give you up. Lalo na nung naalala ko nung sinasabi mo sa'kin na if I'll let you go, after the board exam, kasi ako ang inspiration mo.
I'm hurting sooo bad. Isip ako nang isip. Napapakalma ng konti pag nilalakasan ko yung kapit ko sa sinasabi mong ikaw ang paniwalaan ko. Mas marami nga lang talaga yung times na I'm caught so wet in the eyes staring into nothingness. Nagte-tenkyu ako sa wine beside the bed to reach out to para kahit papanu makakatulong sa pagka-calm ng nerves at makatulog naman ng maayos.
At siguro nga, selfish nga ako pero wala na akong maisip e. Nag-reach out ako kay Doksy kasi I was thinking, she knows you better. I did'nt expect na ganun ang timpla n'ya sa'kin despite the situation she's into now. Yung woman instinct na sinabi n'ya, ang hirap nun. Sasabihan pa n'ya ako to be strong. She is so nice na napapaiyak ako sa bawat sinasabi n'ya. She truly loves you. She told me na nag-confessed ka sa kanya about having fallen for somebody new. Sarap-sarap isipin na sana ganun gawin mo if hindi ako sapat or may binabalikan ka or falling for somebody new. I am wishing I have the same fighting spirit that she has. Parang pupulutin ako sa mental nito, Baby.
Akala ko ready ako to have rel'p after 27 years pero mukang hindi. But whatever, whenever and wherever this rel'p will bring us to, I remain to be your one-man GF. And I'm always here, just here, unless, di mo na ako kailangan. Sabihan mo lang ako, Baby.
Malaking tenkyu for choosing me over others (This I wanna believe). Thank you for the love. Pero minsan kung napapasaya ako, nagi-guilty ako kasi alam ko hiram ka lang. MsM is so right when she said that you are not hers, you're not mine either and that somebody legit out there really owns you. Ang ganda ng family n'yo I don't know for what reason na hindi ka contented. At kung dumating man yung point na may babalikan ka or found somebody new, ipu-push kita kasi just like what Doksy wishes you for, sana po ay mahanap mo na ang yong contentment at dun mas magiging happy pa ako.
When I decided to say yes to you, I meant forever. You offered me the you get metamorphosed. Ciempre, ang sarap sa feeling, kaka-flatter, na wow, isipin ko yun, ako ang makakapagpabago sa'yo. It's more than yung naniwala ako sa 'yo na "isusuko" mo ang lahat ng bisyo mo kada lapit mo sa'kin, kakulitan mo for almost 4 or 5 months. It's mainly because MAHAL NA MAHAL kita. Sh*y*t, mahal na mahal kitaaa to the moon and back! Nabanggit kita sa Mama ko kasi I believe mother knows best. Expected ang sasabihin nun sa'kin at mas matindi ang sasabihin ni Daddy. I had to let them know para whatever happens, di sila masha-shock. Kasi baliktarin man natin, they are still my parents. She had this message, "It's gonna be a miracle if that change he's saying will happen with you. Magbakasyon ka kaya muna dito kung kinukulit ka. But whatever you'll say to him, you have to keep it. But this to remind you, wag magpaka-martyr nang masyado. You have grown up with a difficult-to-deal-with father and another hard-to-bear relationship you'll gonna endure for a lifetime?"
But I believe na you love me so I finally said yes nga. Your past, mahirap tanggapin na iniisip ko na panu kung sa'kin ay gawin mo na rin because you've already done it to them (your several ex-es), nakakaiyak. Kasi kung ako masasaktan, twice ang mafi-feel ng parents ko. Pero sabi ko, what if ako na lang pala ang only hope, only way out, only chance out of your misery tas ipagkakait ko? Nilagay ko na lang that moment na tinatanggap na ng sistema ko na ikaw na nga ang boypren ko yung statement na, "The one who saves one soul it's as if he saved the entire world." Tas unti-unting binubuhusan ako sa wokplace. Ang mga kai-kaibigan ko nakita ko na. Maraming nainis, na-disappoint but WC (who cares)? Kahit ganun ang front ko na IDC (I don't care), umiiyak pa rin ako deep inside at umaapaw na rin minsan ang luha pag di ko nakakaya. Naawa ako sa mga nasaktan sa naging decision ko. But I keep holding on... Tas pinondohan mo ako ng white lies. Kung pakiramdam mo sinusumbatan kita pag nago-open up ko sa'yo, no, paraan ko yun na ipaalam na nasasaktan ako. Kasi di ba, we have to have an open communication to make the rel'p working? Sinubukan ko ang texting na communication kasi pag personal nga, di ko masabi-sabi. Just by looking into your eyes, I'm already melting. Then you'll touch me, everything's OK na.
Then this MsM issue ulit. Alam mong I wouldn't feel good if you'd see her pero sinabi mo group date. MsM is saying otherwise na you're still together pa pala. I had the loudest cries in my entire life when MsM said that. Pakiramdam ko bawing-bawi kahit i-sum-total ang lahat ng cloud nines I've had when I was with you. I wanna die that very moment. Tas sabi ko, panu to, inaatake na naman ako ng pagiging selfish ko if iku-confront kita sa araw mismo ng bday mo about that Mother's Day you spent w/ her.Minessage ko si MsM 'gang sa makwento nya na nagkaroon s'ya ng suicide attempt when she discovered about us. It's so gross I don't want to happen continuing with this rel'p at nasabi ko na, "Sige, kayo na." But I know I can't give you up. Lalo na nung naalala ko nung sinasabi mo sa'kin na if I'll let you go, after the board exam, kasi ako ang inspiration mo.
I'm hurting sooo bad. Isip ako nang isip. Napapakalma ng konti pag nilalakasan ko yung kapit ko sa sinasabi mong ikaw ang paniwalaan ko. Mas marami nga lang talaga yung times na I'm caught so wet in the eyes staring into nothingness. Nagte-tenkyu ako sa wine beside the bed to reach out to para kahit papanu makakatulong sa pagka-calm ng nerves at makatulog naman ng maayos.
At siguro nga, selfish nga ako pero wala na akong maisip e. Nag-reach out ako kay Doksy kasi I was thinking, she knows you better. I did'nt expect na ganun ang timpla n'ya sa'kin despite the situation she's into now. Yung woman instinct na sinabi n'ya, ang hirap nun. Sasabihan pa n'ya ako to be strong. She is so nice na napapaiyak ako sa bawat sinasabi n'ya. She truly loves you. She told me na nag-confessed ka sa kanya about having fallen for somebody new. Sarap-sarap isipin na sana ganun gawin mo if hindi ako sapat or may binabalikan ka or falling for somebody new. I am wishing I have the same fighting spirit that she has. Parang pupulutin ako sa mental nito, Baby.
Akala ko ready ako to have rel'p after 27 years pero mukang hindi. But whatever, whenever and wherever this rel'p will bring us to, I remain to be your one-man GF. And I'm always here, just here, unless, di mo na ako kailangan. Sabihan mo lang ako, Baby.
Malaking tenkyu for choosing me over others (This I wanna believe). Thank you for the love. Pero minsan kung napapasaya ako, nagi-guilty ako kasi alam ko hiram ka lang. MsM is so right when she said that you are not hers, you're not mine either and that somebody legit out there really owns you. Ang ganda ng family n'yo I don't know for what reason na hindi ka contented. At kung dumating man yung point na may babalikan ka or found somebody new, ipu-push kita kasi just like what Doksy wishes you for, sana po ay mahanap mo na ang yong contentment at dun mas magiging happy pa ako.
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