I was a small town girl and had a few memories of the
grandiose light displays of a city particularly on Christmases. It was a
turnabout when I get to pursue college in a suburban and escaping to the city
was a fifteen-minute away ride. Having been gone to a classmate’s place for a
fix of group homework late past seven in the evening, I caught SM-Baguio
lighted in its Christmas theme. Said my friend if we could drop by to check for
the holiday’s on-sale. To her courtesy, I somehow had treats of shakes up to
the shivering and all those goose-bumps. To melt away our chilling, my friend
and I trodded up and down the stairs. The number of people threading in and out
for the season covered our monotonous twosome trip for over an hour. I could
have paid for her next season’s shakes should she took a longer year degree
course. Malling is not at all that emptying your wallets out. On Christmas
breaks with extra bills from our parents, I bring my siblings and get our legs
walking aimlessly around the mall. When our eyes tire out on the displays from
store to store, we have ourselves ice cream at the veranda. SM-Baguio has that
veranda as our favorite nook where we squat, giggle and sometimes roll our
laughters. There we flash our cameras until we get our perfect poses.
I was born a woman but ended up acting the opposite. Clumsiness and its cousins in the thesaurus is what I am. Finesse goes unsaid and unheard in my world. I preferred oversized tees over fitting blouses. I refused figure-flaterring dresses for loose pants. I would choose a paintless face even being merged with a bin of all-made-up pretties. But I knew I am a woman inside. So are the secret feelings that have silently died. It was only me who knows everything of what-really-is. It was hard shifting to finer moves. Oh graceful me in sweat! I hate being with someone who I cannot see myself. Because to me, gaudiness is parallel to fun. Not long after, I’ve been to stores of pallets. So the smudged me emerged. Little by little, I’ve added garments I thought I can never wear. These changes of seeing ourselves that can improve us.
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